Monday, February 11, 2008

Freezer Burn

I don't generally mind winter too much, at least not until March or April. This time of year I expect to be cold, and I expect to be shoveling. It's no big deal. Well, today was just too freaking cold. I'm drawing a line. This is bullshit! Scene: my driveway, this morning before work. The snow squall that blustered through yesterday had left several inches, so I headed out a few minutes early, leaving plenty of time to brush off the car and still make it to work on time. Ha!

The plot twist: the doors on my car were all frozen shut. I drive a hatchback, which was miraculously unfrozen, so I crawled in through the hatch, after a modest delay taking the cover off and folding the seat down. Straddling the center console, I managed to depress the clutch and start up the engine. I was able to force the passenger side door open from the inside, but no luck with the driver side door. Sigh. Crawled back out, scraped the inch of ice off the windshield, nearly lost several fingers to frostbite. Cursed a bit and felt sorry for myself. Crawled back in and drove to work.

The roads were fine, so my commute was uneventful. The despondency set in as I activated the turn signal on approaching the parking garage. I was reaching for my card when I realized that the driver side door was still frozen shut, as was the window. I had no way to get in the parking garage. What to do? I briefly entertained the idea of turning around and going home, but ultimately, I didn't want to waste the personal day when I didn't even get to sleep in.

I drove around the block, then pulled over on the side of the road, and cranked the heat. We all know how much that excites me. Finally, after a few long torturous minutes of fretting and sweating and frantically tugging on the door and window handles, the window cracked open. Sweet icy air! At last I could turn off the blasted heat and enter the parking garage. Of course, my damn door was still frozen shut, so I had to crawl back out over the stick shift. And I was half an hour late.

Luckily the day took a turn for the warm, and the temperature had reached double digits by the time I left the office. I could enter my auto through the designated portal. Hooray! Lizard shit! Fuck!

11 comments:

Nadine said...

Dude. Sometimes you have to use the heat. That's what it's there for.

Not so little sister said...

I can't imagine not using the heat when it's so cold out! Yuck! Similarly, I went downtown after work yesterday and had to open my car door and get out of my car to get the ticket for the garage...I guess at least I could use my door. I would've stayed home if my doors didn't open. My pregnant ass is NOT crawling over seats. :)

jo(e) said...

I hate it when my doors freeze shut and I have to crawl in the back.

Once I yanked on the doors so hard that the damned handle came right off.

BerryBird said...

Nadine, I think you may have misunderstood... I had been running the heat on a low setting for more than half hour by the time I arrived downtown, and the car was damn hot, but the door and window were STILL frozen shut. When I say cranked, I mean all the way up, maximum capacity, level 4. It was horrid.

NSLS, I have to use the door to access the garage regularly when it is cold and my window freezes, both before and after work today for example. It slows things down a bit, but it is a choice that looks pretty good after yesterdays ordeal.

Jo(e), that is always a fear. Sometimes I try slow motion, like if I pull really slowly, the handle won't break.

Electronic Goose said...

Oh jeez. What a commute!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I laughed my head off, sorry.

I mean I really am sorry for your troubles, but it is awfully funny to read.

I hate the hot heat and I hate the doors to freeze. They've been doing it more lately than before, but so far one or the other of the four doors will open.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

for some reason in my reader, your whole blog just showed up as unread.

I think my doors are freezing moire because we've had more freezing rain and thaw cycles than normal.

Nicole said...

I like the image of you climbing in through the hatch in the back. You're right, it's too fucking cold!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

AK!

Aliki2006 said...

I'm so amazed at how cold it's been for some of you--I HATE cranking the heat up, too--what a horrible commute.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

This is HI-larious (and horrid).