I don't generally mind winter too much, at least not until March or April. This time of year I expect to be cold, and I expect to be shoveling. It's no big deal. Well, today was just too freaking cold. I'm drawing a line. This is bullshit! Scene: my driveway, this morning before work. The snow squall that blustered through yesterday had left several inches, so I headed out a few minutes early, leaving plenty of time to brush off the car and still make it to work on time. Ha!
The plot twist: the doors on my car were all frozen shut. I drive a hatchback, which was miraculously unfrozen, so I crawled in through the hatch, after a modest delay taking the cover off and folding the seat down. Straddling the center console, I managed to depress the clutch and start up the engine. I was able to force the passenger side door open from the inside, but no luck with the driver side door. Sigh. Crawled back out, scraped the inch of ice off the windshield, nearly lost several fingers to frostbite. Cursed a bit and felt sorry for myself. Crawled back in and drove to work.
The roads were fine, so my commute was uneventful. The despondency set in as I activated the turn signal on approaching the parking garage. I was reaching for my card when I realized that the driver side door was still frozen shut, as was the window. I had no way to get in the parking garage. What to do? I briefly entertained the idea of turning around and going home, but ultimately, I didn't want to waste the personal day when I didn't even get to sleep in.
I drove around the block, then pulled over on the side of the road, and cranked the heat. We all know how much that excites me. Finally, after a few long torturous minutes of fretting and sweating and frantically tugging on the door and window handles, the window cracked open. Sweet icy air! At last I could turn off the blasted heat and enter the parking garage. Of course, my damn door was still frozen shut, so I had to crawl back out over the stick shift. And I was half an hour late.
Luckily the day took a turn for the warm, and the temperature had reached double digits by the time I left the office. I could enter my auto through the designated portal. Hooray! Lizard shit! Fuck!